I am happy to report at this time that I feel the closest to my normal self than I have in a very long time. Actually, that is not entirely true; I feel like a better version of my normal self! I have not felt truly depressed in a couple of months and have not had morning anxiety in about 2 weeks!!! This is a very big deal y’all! It feels sooooo good and, I swear if you would have asked me 2 years ago if I would ever be able to say this I would have said, “Nope. My life is over. I will never be okay again.” But, here I am. Still standing here today. Dare I even say that I feel happy?
It has been a long road. I’ve tried a crapload of various meds, exercise, oils, meditations, self-help books, mindsets, therapies, mantras, etc., etc. There is not one single thing that I can say helped me and, I am not going to say I am guaranteed good to go from here on out. I can slide back. I know that. But, I have to forge ahead and revel in how I feel today because it feels awesome!! Was it my new Prozac meds? My testosterone treatment? My new job? (Yes! I went back to work even!) Retraining my brain on how to focus on more positive thoughts? Was it my millions of prayers? My family? Friends? I can’t put my finger on any one thing but, that’s okay. Now I know that the hope I carried with me, paid off. My dedication to myself and getting better paid off. This is work y’all. You have to want to get better. You have to be willing to fight. You have to have hope and NEVER give up! Things can get better!! I am living proof of that and I know there are many more people out there who are as well.
Please know that you matter. You belong. You are loved. You are strong. And, no, after going through intense depression, you will not ever be the same again but, you will be a better version of who you were. A stronger one. A version of you who knows better now. A version of you who takes things a little more lightly. One who takes time to acknowledge the beauty in the little things. One who does not stay in the presence of negative thoughts or people. One who can look around at others and know that we are all human. We all make mistakes and you allow yourself to do so with joy, laughter, and acceptance. You will now be comfortable with who you are. You will love yourself. Isn’t that wonderful? And, it’s true. I promise you. Don’t give up. Good things are coming.
And now,…back to my new self…